R E D E F I N E.

Another day is a new life given, another chance to correct the wrong, to live your life to the fullest, to make your dreams come true, to give your life more worth..

With that being said, that time comes again.. the time for change, the time to push the boundaries, to create a whole new world, a whole new you.. wait, a more improved version of you. I say that because as a person, I always strive to be the best that I can be - whether that be being physically, mentally or emotionally.

As of now, I feel myself being somewhat pulled down by the plateau of my life right now. Everything is too settled.. too comfortable for me that there is no drive, no goal and no inspiration. You know, that is the last thing I want my life to be. Although, you may not be able to control what life throws at you, what you can control is how you confront it. Either you face it wholeheartedly or you turn back and run away.. For me, I will face it with my whole might and being! Bring it on..

With that being said, that time comes for a change, to begin moving forward again.. to redefine myself. I want to be a much stronger warrior - whether that is being a friend, son, brother, follower of Christ or even physically, emotionally and mentally. I think this has to happen, no, it has to happen in order for me to feel alive, to truly be present in the moment. Before, I'd always wish for happiness, I still do, but I think now, I've come into terms that happiness is a temporary state of feeling just like with any other emotions. Now, what I want to wish for is to have a more open mind and open heart to face the journey of every day life.

Here are some of the things that I need/look forward to change[ing].

• Get a new hairdo
• Start working out again - to push myself even more and discover new boundaries
• To find a new job
• To start practicing yoga for a peaceful mind, body and soul
• To keep talking and surrendering everything to him...
• To be more grateful.. truly grateful for everything that I have..
• To forgive and forget those who've ever hurt me
• To let go and let GOD
• To have more patience and tolerance for everything/everyone that I love/do
• To start waking up feeling inspired again.. in fact to be feel and be INSPIRED in general.
• Lastly, to walk the walks of life with confidence, bliss and no fear of the future

xx

-E

7. 24

It is already 1:10 in the morning and I am surprised I am still up considering all of the cleaning and hard work we did today. Who knows why I am up, maybe to give myself a chance to think and reflect in my life. For myself, I really do not have that much chance to have "ME" time until I go to bed and that is if I haven't knocked out yet. I honestly don't know where this post is going to go exactly but I do have an agenda: to address specific but not specific thoughts.

Not in order of importance or anything:

1.) Listening to my #showtunes playlist right now always brings me back to a place of good times. It definitely reaffirms that I did have an awesome childhood growing up. It may have been slightly introverted and not so involved with everyone else but the things that I did by myself still amazes me. The tv shows, the songs and everything just seemed to resonate with me more back then. Not that it doesn't now but there is something about then that just screams "investment". I think that was the best word to describe it. Basically, I loved my childhood!

2.) You have been in my mind lately. I don't know why, but every time I see you in our practices for camp I can't help but feel a little bit sad. I think it's because it is really starting to hit me of how distant we are now with each other. Nowadays, we don't even hold a conversation anymore but rather small talks here and there. Also, I feel like a lot of times I get the feeling that you look down on me because I am different than you... To keep their identity, I won't be as descriptive. I know that before you left, we were much closer and we were actually friends. Then when you came back, I felt that the my friend never came back with you... I realize that people change for the better or worse and that is the reality of our life. I think at this point, I have to overcome my [bitterness] and try to stay as civil as I can with you...

3.) Tin Tin... where ever you are now, RIP.and I know you are in a better place now... My parents just told me about it during our dinner that one of my childhood friends in the PI had died at young age of brain cancer. I left the country when I was 9 years old and everything before then was slightly blurry and hard to remember. I can only remember a couple of people and a lot of specific but vague memories. I can't recall her clearly but I strongly feel our childhood friendship... I may not be able to remember it clearly but I feel it deep in my heart and soul. Where ever you are Tin Tin, I hope you are happy....

4.) ESY CAMP is now only 2 days away! I know I should be really excited but instead I feel very neutral and indifferent. I've noticed that I've been like this recently. I think this is my main problem nowadays, the lack of investment in the present moment. It's like as if I'm walking through the motion of life. I don't know how it has gotten to this point but  want to feel alive and I want to be able to live.

Whew, I have to admit, I feel a lot better now letting this out.
Since Xanga, [safe to say that it] will be shutting down, I think I will transition to this blog.
I hope that I can successfully transfer my archives to here.

Till next time.
-E

Tender Heart..

This song really fits my current mood right now. These past couple of weeks has been tough on my heart. I really gotta stop doing this to myself, always putting myself in hopeless situations. My heart is very tender. I gotta keep protecting it, and not always be so easy to fall for anybody. I can't keep letting being hopeless romantic get to me. I really dont know what to think and feel.. I just dont know.. I am very confused...

Guess who made this years Trolley Dance?

Me. Yup! :3 #feelingaccomplished

Today was somewhat different than any other regular day.
Long story short, I decided to be more adventurous and open-minded.
It worked out pretty well. All smiles today ~

As of now things are starting to clear up and look better for me. The journey may be shaky for now, but i know it wont be for long. I just need to remember who i am & stay true to myself. At the end of the day, I will always be the one thats naive and hopeless romantic.... and i can really say that I am proud of that!

xxEP

SUMMER 2012

Wow, oh wow! Another year, another summer which means another summer list ! Time sure does go by really fast when you are a busy and a successful person. I officially got through my first  year of college, I can definitely say that this was an accomplishment. I finished this sem. with 3.2 units, which I think is really good considering my arduous work load. Now that school is over and I have left my other job, it is time to loosen up and have fun this summer :)

*jotting ideas/things from the top of my head; No order/importance*

• Start working out again
• Get a new job/ A BETTER PAYING JOB
• Love life? (who knows, lol)
• Redecorate my room! 
• Be more happy (-ier)
• Be more adventurous and taking more risks.+
• Start training again in dance @ APA.
• Get priorities straightened out.
• Work on scrapbook (a summer to do-list every year)
• Let go of grief & burdens in life (I will really try my best)
• Start playing the violin again (touching it would be a miracle alone)
• Hopefully get a new laptop
• Redye hair this summer
• Get good classes for the Fall.
• Go clubbing.
• Go to Del Mar Fair for the first time :)
• Go on a date?!!! (I would love to see this happen)
• Volunteer, volunteer and volunteer
• Finish update and working on putting the songs on the Iphone.
• Rekindle old friendships.....
• RUN... RUN.. RUN!!
• ...... most of all loosen up and have fun!

Looking at the list, I realized how little it seems in comparison to my other ones. However, I will continue to add more as the days go by. For now, I will try my best to make these happen one by one and day by day.

xx
*edit: 7/24